Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
