She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
