Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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