I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
