I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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