I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
