Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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