Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
