Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
