I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
