so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
