I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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