I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's official drugs can't kill me
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
