you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize