Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
