I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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