she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
