The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
