My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
