I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
