Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He keeps bees of course he's weird
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
