I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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