Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
