i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
