Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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