I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
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