I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
