is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
