So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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