and you said cock pushups were impossible
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
