go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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