Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
