That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
