Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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