I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
