I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
