Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
