I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
