Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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