You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
