im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
