Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
is that a dick in a sweater?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
