I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
