and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
