you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Operation Purity has been aborted
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
