The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
