I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
What drink are we having for lunch?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
