Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
