So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
do nipples grow back?
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