I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
