How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
