Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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