it wasn't lemon gatorade
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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