Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
