Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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