rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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