i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
