Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
