New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
