Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
