Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
