dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Let's paint friendship bongs
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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