Define "chronic" masturbator.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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