Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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