why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
