Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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