Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
