someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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