You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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