You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
