What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
