Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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