The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
