You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
