There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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