I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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