so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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