I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
