He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
