You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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