Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
