Where is the hickey?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
