At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
