She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
